Here we go again!

Starting over is something I am getting really good at. It's a shame that commitment is something I struggle so greatly with.

If you have been following me over the last few years than you know that I lost 30 lbs with the help of an "at home" fitness programs and online support groups that, for over a year, cheered me on and helped me stay on track (as much as someone like me can).

Some people can drop 30 lbs quicker and that is fine, I have no beef with that. I on the other hand have a love for food and have to find balance. So, for 12 months (or more) I worked a little bit each day and finally lost the 30 lbs. I was hoping for 35 but heck, 30's not bad right?

And the weight came off just before the start of the summer before my 40th birthday. Man I wore a bathing suite proudly last year. Now I am no Victoria's Secret model, heck I couldn't even model for Target, but for me, this was a good size and I was finally comfortable in my own skin.

In August I started a new job and in October, the 13th to be precise, I turned 40, and it all went to hell. I will give the gory details in later posts but for now just know that it's 9 months later, and I have gained back 25 of those 30 lbs. YIKES!

Today, I start over, again. But this time I think it's different. This time I am committed. My mind and body are in sync and they both want this. Not because I want to wear that bathing suite again (although that would be nice) but because there were so many benefits to being less heavy that I forgot about. So many that I enjoyed without even knowing it. Here are a few.

1. Going up 2 flights of stairs without having to stop for a break
2. Being able to play in the yard with my kids while standing
3. Feeling less tired and more energetic
4. More able to handle stressful situations and keep an upbeat attitude when life gets you down.
5. Feeling proud of what I accomplished and how I looked in my size 8 jeans!

Today, Monday June 29th, I got my fat behind out of bed, went down into the basement and did my least favorite exercise, PLYO, because I know in a few weeks, I will be so happy that I can do more than, then I do now.  I also followed a simple and easy meal plan that is made to maximize my fruit and vegetable intake (and minimize the cookies and donuts...). I asked my husband and children for support, telling them how important this is to me, how feeling healthy will not only benefit me, but them as well.

So with the right exercise, meal plan, and support from my family, I am going down this road again. The road to health! The road to energy! The road to happiness!

I ate a box of cookies, and what happened next..... made me cry!

I always get sucked in by those headlines in the news feed that suck you in and then severely disappoint. Am I the only one? Don't be mad, I really did eat a box of cookies and I really did cry. Let me explain.

I am pretty sure I am not the only one who does this, but maybe that too is an illusion. It doesn't matter if it's a box of cookies, gallon of ice cream or a  bag of chocolate chips, if they are open, I will eat them! But not just eat them, I will devour them! Not always at once, the story usually starts out happy where I am able to control my bynging for the first few days and then one day, it gets to the "point of no return" where I might as well eat them all. I mean, why not, I have already eaten more calories than I should today, so let's just get this over with, polish off the cookies and then tomorrow, there will be nothing to "cheat" with - so it's a win win. Today is already a bad eating day so why not?

But I know better. Heck I spend most nights and weekends reading up on different foods and what they do / don't do for your body. I investigate different workouts and the latest Barre fads all for you! So why do I fall apart when it comes to my own health? I am convinced it's because the sugar rush has this effect on our brains that makes us throw away all reason! I literally convince myself that it is better for me to eat the whole box of cookies now, and then not have any tomorrow, because heck, it's the same amount of calories either way right? And today is already bad so just waste away and start fresh tomorrow! Yeah!

WRONG! You see, as we were taught in 6th grade health class, your body will burn only so many calories in a day (varies by person and their routine of course) and the access.... well let's just say the access calories find a nice place to live on your fanny!

Put into a real life example, my caloric consumption per day, with no extra workout planned, is 1200 calories or less. Now let's say that I consume 1100 calories over my allotted meals but then decide to use that extra 100 calories on cookies, but I really end up eating 600 calories in cookies, that's 500 more than I should have had which translates into 500 calories stuck to my thighs (pretty  much, right? :)). Now if I had stretched that 600 calories over 7 days, I would have hit my 1200 calories without exceeding and would not have gone over, avoiding sending my body into sugar shock.

Our body is like a glass, it can only hold so much. So if you pour 2 cups of water into a 1 cup glass, the extra cup has to go somewhere, and that over flow, is fat. And the mess all over the floor from the extra water has to be picked up somehow. So now we have to increase our movement or decrease our caloric intake even more to make up for it. Conversely, if you go over your 1 cup limit by only a little bit, the mess is smaller and easier to "clean up" (AKA you can make up for it with one good workout versus months of torture on that stupid treadmill).

Morale of the story, eating a box of cookies makes me cry, because I stay on the treadmill a little longer tomorrow trying to desperately undo the damage I did tonight, when no one was looking!

What is your dream job?

If you really had to think about what a "dream job" is, could you do it? And I don't want to hear that you want to be the CEO of Coca Cola. Nope, think about what your life would be like with your dream job, don't narrow yourself into one position - speak to what you would do and what it would feel like to have that job.

And granted, this will change for you over time. Certainly my dream job when I was in my 20's changed when I got married and had kids, and then changed again recently when I really started to think about what I want out of life and where I want to be. So here are a few things I found out about myself.

I need something for myself. Said a different way, while I love being a mom and a wife, I need something that keeps me busy, challenged and fulfilled. So staying home and just being a mom and wife are part of my goal but not the whole picture. 

Travel is a part of my job I actually enjoy. Never for very long and not all the time, but getting out in the world while working, seeing people, going to new places I absolutely love. It's the adult, alone, mommy time most of us crave. I get up on my own time, get only myself ready for the day, eat what I want to eat (without having to cook or clean) and I watch what TV I want to watch. I can't accomplish any of this when I am at home, so once in a while it's nice to be able to do it. So travel is a must in my dream job.

Working from home is hugely important, especially if I plan to do some travelling. For the days I am home I need freedom to get my kids off to school, chaperon events and help with class projects when needed and be there when they get off the bus to help with homework and drive them to activities. My kids (and I am sure most are like this) do so much better with each other, and with me, when they have my attention. Most of the time when my kids act out it's because they just want me to spend time with them and when I have to travel to work and my hours there are determined by others, it makes it hard for me to be a mom when I need to be and so working from home and choosing my own hours (or at least having some flexibility) is a must in my dream job.

Working not only from home, but from anywhere is important as well. Even if I am technically working from home, it's important to note that I need to be able to work from anywhere if needed, so that if my husband wants to go home for a week to visit his family, I don't have to stay behind. My parents are in the process of moving to their new home in Florida and I would love to spend February vacation with them and my kids at their new home. Allowing myself some time to do work during the day, and then more time with my parents and kids as well. This type of flexibility is imperative for my dream job.

I guess working from home is huge for me because I would add to that and say I don't want my job to dictate where I live. My husband has always wanted to live in the middle of nowhere, like his dad (or something like his dad...) but that is tough when there are no jobs where you live. If at least one of us didn't have to worry about a commute we would be so much happier.

Working from home can get lonely so along with travelling I will need to spend some time with  people. Either at conferences or events as a participant, or, if I am going to be honest with myself, as a presenter. I guess part of me has always wanted to be in the light on stage sharing advice, or tips with others like me. Sort of like my blog, only bigger! ( so start sharing my page and help a girl out will ya? )

I enjoy my time on social media and can see that being a part of my dream job. Talking to people like I would at a conference but in a more personal setting. Meeting people with like minds and swapping stories. But I do not like sales, I am no good at it and I don't want to "sell" anything whether it's a product, or an idea. I just want to share with people who are like me and not feel like any relationship is forced.

And I want an office with a view, and a dog. But I won't bore you with those details. :)

So, what does your dream job look like?

Why I ditched my FitBit, and my Scale.

As crazy as it sounds, I decided to leave my FitBit at home, and hide the scale in the garage. Why you ask, simple - they are driving me to eat more!

But let me back up and talk about a friend of mine, we will call her Donna. You see, Donna likes instructions. She loves being told step by step what to do, and when she makes a mistake, she goes back to the instructions and gets refocused. She LOVES the 21 day fix because it tells her what she can eat each day, how much to eat, and what fitness routine to do. She can follow instructions well, and thrives off of them.

The key to Donna's success is that when she makes a mistake, she just gets refocused and then carries on with her journey. Me on the other hand, if I don't follow it to a T, well forget it I might as well start over. So let's bring this to real world. I am following a new "plan" of eating and fitness and at work, someone decides to bring in home made chocolate chip cookies ( my favorite!). If I were Donna, I would sneak a cookie, but keep on track for the rest of the day. But nope, I am me, and I have many cookies, followed by a fast food dinner, followed by ice cream because tomorrow, is a new day. YIKES! And the scary part is, tomorrow is sometimes next week or next month. And it's not just eating, I am the queen of saying, I will work out later, tomorrow, next week, this weekend.... Can you see how this can drive a girl mad?

Then to put the icing on the cake, my FitBit tells me I am no where near my step goal for the day and my scale reminds me that I should have stopped at just one cookie, like Donna. And this, makes me spiral even more out of control with self hate which leads to more laziness and over eating.

So I have a new attitude. I take each decision as it comes. I make a decision at breakfast and tell my self it does not dictate what lunch is like. Then I make a different decision at lunch, and again tell myself that it does not dictate dinner and so on. I don't have a specific eating plan I am following. I try to move more than not and eat when I am hungry, and with conscious and healthy food choices whenever possible. 

I refuse to beat myself up over a cookie on a special occasion, or missing a morning work out. I refuse to get on the scale and be tormented by lack of progress and the last thing I need is my FitBit telling me how awesome my friends are and how low my score is for the week.

It's only day 2 and for once I feel good about this. It's possible that the weight won't come off as quickly as when I "follow a plan" but as long as my clothes continue to fit better and I feel good about my decisions, overall, then I know I am on track.

I will keep you posted on my progress!

Where did you come from?

Have you ever taken time to figure out who you are, and what you are meant for? 

Really thought through what you like or dislike about your situation?

Drown out what others think you are or should be, and really listen to what you want and like?

I have been going through an exercise of doing just that, trying to find me. And I thought it would be fun to  take you along for the ride. I will start by telling you a little bit about my current situation.

I am an only child of two loving parents. Both came from families where all you needed was love and a roof over your heads to get by, and despite financial hardships, managed to make it to retirement and still have a few dollars left in their pockets to enjoy life with. My folks taught me the value of a dollar, and how love should trump money any day. You can always try to make more money but you can't make anyone love you. And so as a result I am happily married to the same man I met and fell in love with 16 years ago!

I was the first in my family to attend college, but since financial hardships happened right around the time I graduated from high school, I ended up at a 2 year college (chosen specifically for it's trip to Disney World!) in New Hampshire before coming home and working full time, while trying to complete my degree part time. My life lessons here were that goals can be obtained, even if not through conventional methods that others choose. And at the end of the day, unless you are planning on running a Fortune 100 Company, the school you choose doesn't matter half as much as the experience you gain from working for a living.

I have two beautiful children, one girl, one boy. They challenge me each and every day as they grow up and learn new things, always asking questions. Being an only child I was certain I wanted at least 2 children, if I was physically able to - maybe more. After 2 kids I called it quits and while having a large family would have been my preference, having two kids gives me the satisfaction of knowing they will always have each other, and still be able to afford nice things for them, including occasional trips to Disney World :)

I have held many "office jobs" in the last 20 years,  and was lucky enough to meet a woman that showed me, at the right time, that you could be a mom and have a well paying job. That you sometimes have to outsource things that don't matter (cleaning your home), so you can focus on the things that do (taking your kids to sporting games or doctors appointments). She also taught me that it is just as important to love the person your work for, as it does what you do for them. You can have the best job in the world, but with a crappy boss it's just not worth being away from your kids. You have to have both and provide balance, in order to be happy.

I love to spend time with my family, read, go to the beach (and especially reading on the beach), travelling and doing for my family, whether it's organizing our schedules, chaperon school trips or help out in any way I can to make someone's day a little easier. I love random girls nights out, or family meet ups for no reason, mostly because I love to laugh. And if I am being totally honest,  I also get lost in social media from time to time. :)

But am I at the place today where I WANT to be? Or where I am MEANT to be? I have always felt like I was missing something, that I would be so much better if I was able to do something unorthodox and dreamy. Something that some may say is not for "us" that only dreamers and crazy risk takers would do, and we are not that type of people. Or are we?

More tomorrow on where I want to be, but for now, this is me in a nutshell!

Food is fuel, really!

I know you have heard this before but it certainly bears repeating. Food is Fuel!

Watching the Good Eats episode on Food Network the other day, Alton Brown used the analogy of a car needing fuel, it goes something like this.

Let's say your car holds 30 gallons of gasoline. Now let's image after filling your tank to the top, you drive enough to burn 10 gallons before returning to the gas station for more. If you try to put another 30 gallons in, what happens? The gas over floweth! The tank is only so big and can only hold so much! I will add to Alton's analogy and state that it doesn't matter if you empty it out before filling it again, or stop every 10 gallons to fill up, the tank only holds so much!

Now let's talk about your body. I just had my morning Shakeology and I feel great! Because I load it up with a banana and almond butter, my shake was 300 calories today. Right after finishing that shake I sat down to type out this blog post. It will take me roughly an hour to get my thoughts out, organize them and proof read before publishing. Since while typing on my computer I burn 100 calories an hour, I am not likely to be ready to eat when I am done. But if I were to reach for 200 calories worth of almonds, I am replacing that 100 calories burned with 200 calories of food. Guess where that extra 100 calories is going to go? You guessed it, my mid and lower section where it will stay until I increase my movement to exceed my caloric intake, and burn it off.

I think for the most part how often you eat is a matter of preference. For some of us time is not on our side and so remembering to eat every few hours is hard, and so we can only eat 3 times a day. Just think about what your caloric intake is and divide it up among the times you plan to eat. So for a 1200 calorie day will you eat 4 meals at 300 calories each, or will you have 3 meals at 400 calories each? In my opinion, it doesn't matter.

Also remember that it's not just how often and how much you eat, but what you eat. Of  course.  Going back to Alton's analogy at the gas station, he continued on to say that one whole orange, gives you the same energy as one bite of a doughnut. But that orange is much bigger and therefore will help fill you up with vitamins and fiber as well. Make wise choices daily, eat when you are hungry and don't eat more than you move, and you will see results. :)

What does success look like to you?

Success is a funny thing. It looks different to each of us. It takes different steps to reach it. But the one thing that is the same for everyone, is that in order to be successful, you need to be CONSISTENT.

The definition of consistency says it all: Consistency is the conformity in application of something, typically that which is necessary for the sake of logic, accuracy or fairness.

Translated, keep at it every day, not just once in awhile but every day, in order to see results.

Tomorrow is Marathon Monday here in New England. The Boston Marathon is a 26.2 mile route that starts in Hopkinton and ends in good ol' Boston where crowds of people will swarm to encourage you through the finish.

I know a man who runs the marathon every year, has for years. He runs a good 10-15 miles everyday, rain or shine. Running for him, is like breathing and without it he feels incomplete. But not everyone is like him. As a matter of fact, he is a rarity.

I know another man who this year will run the marathon for the first time ever. When I first met him 7 years ago he was a co-worker who was over weight, wasn't motivated and by the looks of him, you would never know that he was a future marathon runner. About 2 years ago he joined a friend for some after work exercise and now, he is preparing for his first marathon. How did he get here, by doing something everyday. By running at first, just a mile, then maybe 2, then 3 and so on. It didn't happen over night, it happened over a 2 year period, and I couldn't be more proud of him.

Fitness and healthy eating is much like that. For some, it's a part of life and the only way we know how to live. For the rest of us, it's a struggle. Each day we have to do something to move forward or we will never make progress.

Thinking back to the friend who is running his first marathon, do you think he would  be ready to run today if he only ran once or twice a week? Do you think if he ate healthy and ran only one day a week, but ate take out food and candy bars while sitting and watching TV the rest of the week that he would be running 26.2 miles? Of course not.

Consistency is the key. Even if you don't feel like doing anything, do something, everyday and you will make forward progress. The more you do the faster you will move forward, but as long as you are doing something, you will make progress, you will see results.

Feeling tired and not really into that cardio workout you had planned? Instead of plopping down on the couch with a bowl of popcorn, take a walk! Enjoy the beauty of spring, especially if you are here in New England and have been buried in feet of snow for the past few months. Invite a friend and use it as an excuse to connect, instead of over a glass of whine.

Sore from the day before, don't skip the workout, choose something like yoga or Pilates that will help you stretch your muscles out, while getting a great core workout. You have options and by doing something every day, you will make progress!

You can do this!